This is an un-edited e mail, written to me from my good friend and ex crew member of 'Mystique', Constantine, also known as Coastas. He is from the Ukrane.
When I asked him, he said yes but could I correct his grammar and spelling. If you have read my Blog, you know by now, that I appaualing at both so I said no. Anyway, the charm and wit of the mail can only be fully appreciated with miss placed grammar in tact. Sorry Costa.
In order to fully understand this message, you might need to refer to the following glossary of terms
Raimondavich
This is a funky spelling but it is flattering and very respectful when a Russian addresses you by your fathers name-ovich. (my fathers name being Raymond) However. This is way too respectful and is said with more tongue in cheek humour, than respect. I still like it..
Rushing Captains
A favorite joke between us.. Russians… Always in a hurry! Russian here and russian there.
Suahili
Swahili apart from language spoken in many African countries, is also the language of a person vomiting over the side of a boat. Swaaa-Hhiilllliiii….and repeat often.
Strong wind
When you are in a sailing boat and there has been a storm. There is this awful period after the storm has passed, where you have no wind but the big sea from the storm still remains. In this period you have no power in the sails to combat the waves. In short, you get no where! When talking to a pretty girl, sometimes, you can get this same feeling! You have no wind! However. If you have ‘Strong wind’ everyone is happy. Even in a sailing boat.
British Politeness
In Russia, if you would like a beer, you go to a bar and say, ‘Beer!’ and the bar man will reply, hand out stretched, ‘Money!’
In England we say, ‘Please, if you are not to busy, would you mind awfully getting me, if its not too much trouble, a beer? This, to a Russian dude, is just way too many words to cope with and makes my friend Costas laugh a lot!
Don't be shy
Another silly thing! We just always laughed at this." Don't be shy, Your mother wasn't!"
The e mail
Dear Captain Daren, too nice hear from you, Raimondovich!
Hey-hey! Just take an imagine - when I going to write you, I see your message:-)
Some news. Captain, I had sailing in the silliest regatta in the world, honestly! Across the Black Sea - from my native nice Sebastopol to Turkey and back. One week. 6 sailing yachts. 6 Russian grumpy and rushing captains.
Funny, isnt it?
It was realy crazy adventure.
Next. Onboard each yacht - about 10 journalist from different magazines. For example - from Playboy, Penthouse and other silly sex and weeman's editions! Everybody novice. Everybody was 'speak suahili' during sailing - coz Black sea is Black sea, weather is always stormy...
And? After this funny travel I have to write an article to the sailing magazine - How It Is Nice To Be Sailor!
But - in regatta where a lot of girls onboard, and now I have got some strong wind - do you remember our jock?
And, Dear Daren - i have one idea. I ask you to write few words to our magazine - of course, if you not so busy (Famous Britishe Politness).
Do you see, Im unhuppy with russian charter captains - and I need from you few advices, how captain have to keep himself with passangers - you will dont believe, but I have seen captains smocking and drinking in front of customers! Terrible!
If you will have some idea - just write me, dont be shy - in your funny stile, I like it very much:-)
Dear Daren! I always remember our best times, and I do not know why - but I shore, we will sailing together...
your friend Costas...
